I’m at a crossroads. When I started this blog, it was going to have lots of interviews with creative business people and working artists. It was going to reveal the secrets to being a working artist. Somehow it was going to show me the way and in the process show other arty sistas the way too. But a full time job and living on the other side of the world and having such a new blog and not a lot of confidence meant I only did a few interviews. They were awesome, but it wasn’t setting the world on fire. And it kinda felt like it didn’t fit. Like that wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing.
So then I started on the adventure of creating my own range of stamps which was always what the big dream was. That is what the interviews were supposed to lead me to. I worked with designers to help with all the tech stuff and threw myself into the designs. The idea was that it would be a beautiful experience and in a few months I would have an Etsy store open and before I knew it, I would be designing second and third series and quitting my day job and wouldn’t it be awesome. But that didn’t happen. Working with designers was a nightmare and an awful experience. Tears and anger and a shit ton of money. My Etsy store didn’t set the world on fire like it was supposed to. The whole experience broke my heart and deeply injured my soul. And I slowly came to the realization that it kinda felt like it didn’t fit either. Like that wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing. Which is kind of a shock to the system when it’s a dream you’ve held onto for most of your adult life.
Where was the hallelujah chorus and bells ringing and fireworks?
Why did this all feel so damn sucky instead of the blissful glory I had dreamed out loud.
What the hell happened?
So…. yet more re-assessing. Should I keep this CWB blog going if I didn’t turn into the next Kelly Rae Roberts overnight? What have I got to say other than this didn’t work over and over? That it’s not as easy as it looks. That it’s not just about hard work and believing in yourself and having the courage to go after that big wild crazy dream which is the line we are all fed, isn’t it? If we just have the courage to try then the world opens up and amazing things happen. Oh, phooey.
This blog started out as an idea to create a go to page where people could hear from other creatives on how to achieve that big wild crazy dream of being a working artist. It was supposed to reveal the magic ingreadient, the one little secret that would be the difference between glory or defeat. It was going to be for other people while quietly lighting the path for me too. But now, I’m thinking it’s going to be for me. I’m pulling back from thinking about who will be reading and what they might think when I write. If they will like what I write, if it’s going to help them. Instead, I’m gonna be asking if it will help me.
I’m just going to write for me. To document the continuing adventure. Because the adventure does continue. And any good story includes a few twists and turns. It includes adversity and fighting off mythical creatures and riding wild seas and climbing ragged mountains. But it also includes unexpected friendships and discovering magical powers and inner courage. Undiscovered strength in adversity.
And so, as with life, the adventure continues.