I’m at a crossroads but the adventure continues

She set sailI’m at a crossroads. When I started this blog, it was going to have lots of interviews with creative business people and working artists.  It was going to reveal the secrets to being a working artist.  Somehow it was going to show me the way and in the process show other arty sistas the way too.  But a full time job and living on the other side of the world and having such a new blog and not a lot of confidence meant I only did a few interviews.  They were awesome, but it wasn’t setting the world on fire.  And it kinda felt like it didn’t fit.  Like that wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing.

So then I started on the adventure of creating my own range of stamps which was always what the big dream was.  That is what the interviews were supposed to lead me to.  I worked with designers to help with all the tech stuff and threw myself into the designs.  The idea was that it would be a beautiful experience and in a few months I would have an Etsy store open and before I knew it, I would be designing second and third series and quitting my day job and wouldn’t it be awesome.  But that didn’t happen.  Working with designers was a nightmare and an awful experience.  Tears and anger and a shit ton of money.  My Etsy store didn’t set the world on fire like it was supposed to.  The whole experience broke my heart and deeply injured my soul.  And I slowly came to the realization that it kinda felt like it didn’t fit either.  Like that wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing.   Which is kind of a shock to the system when it’s a dream you’ve held onto for most of your adult life.

Where was the hallelujah chorus and bells ringing and fireworks? 

Why did this all feel so damn sucky instead of the blissful glory I had dreamed out loud. 

What the hell happened?

So…. yet more re-assessing.  Should I keep this CWB blog going if I didn’t turn into the next Kelly Rae Roberts overnight?  What have I got to say other than this didn’t work over and over?  That it’s not as easy as it looks.  That it’s not just about hard work and believing in yourself and having the courage to go after that big wild crazy dream which is the line we are all fed, isn’t it?  If we just have the courage to try then the world opens up and amazing things happen.  Oh, phooey.

This blog started out as an idea to create a go to page where people could hear from other creatives on how to achieve that big wild crazy dream of being a working artist.  It was supposed to reveal the magic ingreadient, the one little secret that would be the difference between glory or defeat.  It was going to be for other people while quietly lighting the path for me too.  But now, I’m thinking it’s going to be for me.  I’m pulling back from thinking about who will be reading and what they might think when I write.  If they will like what I write, if it’s going to help them.  Instead, I’m gonna be asking if it will help me.

I’m just going to write for me.  To document the continuing adventure.  Because the adventure does continue.  And any good story includes a few twists and turns.  It includes adversity and fighting off mythical creatures and riding wild seas and climbing ragged mountains.  But it also includes unexpected friendships and discovering magical powers and inner courage.  Undiscovered strength in adversity.

And so, as with life, the adventure continues.

Coral  xo.

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    10 Responses to I’m at a crossroads but the adventure continues

    1. I didn’t even know you had two blogs…you must be super busy!
      This post resonates pretty deeply with me and I think your realisation of making it for you is perfect. Its so hard when you start out, I think we have to expect to make many mistakes and we have to be patient (so so boring).
      Its so easy to get caught up in what we should be doing, you read a million other posts about blogging, what to write, how to write it blah, blah blah and it all gets so confusing and we forget why we started, what we want to achieve and what makes us happy!
      Write from your heart Coral…it looks like you have a big one and I have a feeling that you will get to where you want to go.
      Maybe…just like life…it is the journey and not the destination!

      • Coral says:

        Surprise!! Yes, 2 blogs. Plus all the usual stuff like a day job, family commitments = busy girl. I often get up at 4.30am to fit it in. I think a lot of us art girls are looking for a how. How to blog, how to paint & draw, how to ‘do’ social media. But I’m discovering that while I was searching for the how and doing what I was told, I found it all didn’t fit. It felt inauthentic, it felt corporate and false. But along the way, I discovered the right fit and what feels true for me. I’ve let go of what I’m supposed to do and just doing what feels beautiful and genuine and the world will show me the way. Of course there is still effort and practice and learning (sometimes the hard way). I’m opening my heart to the world and trusting the adventure….. Let’s just see where this goes. Thank you for your words of encouragement – means so much xo

    2. This is an amazing post! I think we are on the same page about a lot of things, the journey is so complicated. We have big ideas, but we can only do so much with them… Good for you for taking a step back. Do what you need to do, for you, the rest will come in it’s own time.

      Also, please don’t quit blogging. I love reading your posts. I can always, completely relate to them. ♥

      xoxo
      Janell

      • Coral says:

        You are too sweet…. And always arriving with cheerleader words right when I need them. It’s a complicated, emotional adventure and sometimes it can feel like it is too much to handle. But something always calls me back. A sign from the universe tells me to keep going. To try one more time. That this is the right path I should be walking. That the dream I’ve had all this time is still the dream, it’s just evolved and changed, just like me. Like all of us.

    3. Ruth says:

      I couldn’t agree more, Coral. Trying to make your posts useful to others ultimately means sacrificing your own path. Plus, you’re not a mind reader! I have personally given up on listening to the advice of others – their words are just static to my ears that block my ability to listen to myself.

      Keep being your authentic self and people who resonate with you will find you… and learn from you :)

      xo

      • Coral says:

        Thanks Ruth – “sacrificing your own path” is so true. You try something which doesn’t feel like you and then you get cranky when it doesn’t work and you resent doing it because it didn’t feel right in the first place – you were just doing what you were told. So now, if I’m gonna fail, it’ll be on my own terms. It’ll be with my own ideas and experiments. And on my own path. So far, that’s where I’ve found the most joy. The unexpected surprises. And where I’ve felt most like it is where I am meant to be.

    4. Zoe says:

      Loved this post Coral! I can’t wait to read some of your posts that are for you, and I bet it’s going to be great and feel so true!

    5. Laura Simms says:

      Thinking of you, Coral.

      Have you checked out Tiffany Han’s podcast “Raise Your Hand. Say Yes.”? I think you’d like it. She interviews a lot of working artists and creatives about how they make it work.

      xx,
      L

      • Coral says:

        Thanks for this Laura. I’ve heard of Tiffany – will check out her site. I’m thinking my heart just isn’t here anymore. What I first imagined it to be, how it changed along the way have filled me up for a couple of years. But I think my heart isn’t in it anymore. New direction? Not being what I envisaged when I started…. Maybe I’m growing and changing as part of this adventure. Who knows. I just know it doesn’t fill my heart like it used to.

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