On the house side, I’ve caught up on the housework that annoys the crap out of me every time I walk past it but never get around to doing (that’s a never ending to do list, isn’t it?) I’ve had another ruthless clean out of the art room. I’ve tossed clothes over my shoulder as I strip out my wardrobe. And you know that third draw in the kitchen full of mysterious utensils, take away menus and warranty books for a food processor that broke 2 years ago? It’s next on the hit list.
On the business side, I’m cleaning out my Twitter feed like a mad woman – so I am left with only the people I love, love, not all the people I followed cause I was supposed to. Because they were the gurus I was ‘meant’ to follow even though they grated on my nerves like fingernails on a blackboard. I’m unsubscribing from newsletters that I signed up for because I was worried I would miss out on the ‘secret ingredient’. That one snippet of wisdom that would be the difference between having my dream life or staying in That Day Job forever. And those blog bookmarks that get in the way of finding the ones I really want are gone too. I’m wondering why I even felt the need to bookmark most of them in the first place.
On the me side, I’ve tried to live my Words of the Year – Being selfish (in a good way) and having fun. I’ve been eating so many veges I’m surprised I haven’t turned green. I’m surprised at the difference it has made – I’m feeling more energetic and happier (not the fake happy you get after eating ice cream. I mean the happy that you feel all day because you ate all the veges on your plate the night before). And my life has become about home and art, instead of giving everything to That Day Job and my home life only getting what was left. I’m kinda wondering how I got myself into that rhythm in the first place and how I lived like that for so long. No wonder my mid-life major re-assessment started so early.
As that has all come together, I’m feeling stronger. Stronger to start again. Finding the courage beyond all the feelings from my first set of stamps. Finding the courage to do it my way and ignoring all the ‘ooh, I just started something by accident and now I’m a millionaire’ stories.
Because sometimes those stories are inspiring and courage boosting. And sometimes they just shit you to tears and make you hate the world because it’s not happening for you like that.
When the clutter is gone, you can see more clearly. You can find your way without wading through the nothingness and unimportant.
I’m not in love with my first set of stamps anymore. Okay, I got that. But what I am in love with? What designs would I use over and over until the stamp was completely worn out? Or do I focus on my getting better at art and somehow transform that into a product? Selling prints? Transforming elements of my art into stamps?
Was I designing stamps hoping my art would get better? Should I have gotten better at my art to make stamps?
The clutter is gone, but the questions come in their place.
The surprising challenge in amongst all the questions, is not being led by other artists. Being inspired but not being drawn into their style too much. That part is actually much harder than it looks.
And I don’t want to fall out of love with the second set because I change what I love by the time they get manufactured. I’m not a scattered person at all – I’m a slow and steady wins the race kinda girl. But I’m also learning so much and discovering so many new things – I’m like a kid in a candy shop. And what I loved last week changes as I discover new teachers, have new ideas and as I go exploring.
No-one is the artist they were a year ago.
I need to find a way to make what I want to make but leave room for my art, my business and myself to grow. This could get interesting…..