The big scary quote

Things are getting a little bumpy over here at CWB.  I got the quote from my new designer.  At first glance, it seems fair.  But… ouch! It wasn’t what I was expecting when I first started this adventure.  Or the figure I had in mind after our meeting.  With the previous designer, I did it a few hundred dollars at a time which made it seem more manageable and not so scary.  It didn’t feel like it was costing so much (even though it was actually costing me more).  So to get a firm quote that has the word thousand in it, is a bit of a shock.

And that voice shows up.  You know… That Voice?  The one that says it’s too much money.  That asks you “what if this doesn’t work?”  The one that asks “Who do you think you are?” And it has got me thinking…

Is this really what I want to do?  Or am I just in love with the idea of having a creative business?

That quote from the designer made it seem more real.  It made me look at this more seriously.  Not that I wasn’t serious before, but it seemed to bring this into a much sharper focus.  And it took me out of my previous comfort zone.  Big time.

I wrote part of this post with a pen and paper on the steering wheel of my car as I finished work for the day at That Day Job.  I was frantically writing out all the things that were swirling around in my head.  Overwhelmed with the money side of it.  Can I trust the designer after the experience with the last one?  How am I going to convince my husband to say yes to this?

How am I going to convince myself to say yes to this?

I wanted to capture exactly what I was feeling because it was so intense.  And I knew I wanted to share it with you here.  I wanted to be honest about my feelings.  The fear, the overwhelm, the questions.  The honest side of it all, not the ‘everything is roses’ ideal.  As I was writing frantically, trying to capture all the thoughts and questions buzzing through my mind, my favourite car drove past me.  It was loud and fast and got my attention, despite the intensity of what I was writing.  So loud and fast it shook my car.  It is the car my husband and I say is the car we are going to buy when my business is booming.

Was that a sign from the universe?

For some reason, it made me feel better.  Calmer.  Enough that I was ready to start the drive home.  I was thinking the whole way home about the quote and the questions it had brought up.  I asked the universe to shower me with financial abundance so I could afford to do this, because that was the biggest thing playing on my mind.  When I got home, I opened the mail.  We had an offer to increase the limit on our credit card and another one offering an overdraft on one of our accounts. While I am not considering either of them as an option, I took it as another sign.  A sign that despite being scared to death, that I needed to say yes to this.

Over the weekend I kept thinking.  And sighing (which you know I’m good at).  I sat down with my husband and we discussed it.  You know, like adults.  It was all very grown up.  I had the for and against list.  The put in on hold for a month or two card.  And my husband had the Nike’s – Just Do It.  For the rest of the weekend, no matter where in the house he was, we would suddenly call out – Just Do It.  Bless him.

That put me much more at ease.  I asked myself questions over and over.  And by the end of the weekend, I had convinced myself to say yes.  And so, I am going ahead with the new designer.

The question that finally made me feel comfortable with the decision?

When I am on my deathbed, will I regret not doing this?

♥ Coral.

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