At the moment, That Day Job feels so….. Engulfing.
I’m feeling smothered by something that doesn’t fit. But I can’t take it off, even though I desperately want to. Not yet. I’m feeling disconnected from it. Like it is no longer part of who I am. It doesn’t play an important part in my life anymore.
Is that because this dream of a creative business is getting more real every day? I can feel myself moving away from That Day Job and moving towards what I have wanted to do for most of my adult life. I am letting go of the stability (?) of That Day Job and am feeling so connected to starting my creative business now.
I have tried to do this a few times before, in different ways. But this time, I can feel the difference. There is no stopping. No turning back. No giving up.
My mid – life major re-assessment keeps popping up when I least expect it which is rather unhelpful. I call it that, because it sounds nicer than mid-life crisis. I’m not in crisis. I’m just re-assessing.
Some days I feel confident about starting my creative business. What it can be, how it can grow. I imagine what my life will be like when I can finally quit That Day Job to run my creative business full time. The way my day unfolds, the people and artists I will meet, the opportunities it might bring.
Then other days, my mid-life major re-assessment pops up and my dream life feels so far away. I don’t feel like giving up. Not this time, when I am so close. But I can feel like there is a huge distance between where I am now and where I am trying to get to. I feel like a 5 year old being told Christmas is 2 weeks away. “But, that’s FOREVER away!” (insert whiny voice and stomping feet here).
I have days where I feel like this adventure is more like a solo voyage. And that it is a long voyage. A quiet voyage. No big fanfare to see me off as I sail toward the horizon. No guidance from the stars. And, thanks to my mid life major re-assessment, days with no wind in my sails.
Then little victories bring me joy and encouragement. A re-tweet on Twitter. A comment on the blog. An email from my designer. Simple, little pleasures.
It helps me take my eye off the horizon of the final result and let’s me find pleasure in the small things that happen on the way.