Am I stalling?

So I’ve been sharing how I’m going with you for about 6 months now.  It’s now Christmas and, of course, the New Year is in a day or two.  A time to see how far I’ve come and also set some goals for 2012.

When I first started, I was racing around to try and make everything happen yesterday – me being the Princess of Impatience and everything.  Along the way, I started this blog, some lovely ladies said yes to an interview, I had a logo designed and I stared working with a graphic designer to help me with my Creative Thing.  And now, while I work through the graphic design process, I feel like I’ve taken my foot off the accelerator.  Why?

I think I feel like I’ve made it up the first rung of the ladder.  I’m off the ground.  Not very far off the ground, but still…  I’ve actually started to do this.  Am I thinking I’ve made it just because I’ve started?  I still have big dreams and ideas.  Plans for world domination and all that.  So why pause?  Why take my foot off the accelerator?  Why aren’t I running towards this like I should be?

Do I suddenly think I know what I am doing?  I’m still feeling and finding my way.  Searching for information, ideas, knowledge.  Working through online classes.  Learning as much as I can from my Twitter and blog girls.  Girls further along in the adventure than I am.  I am starting to see a clearer picture, but I still have so much to learn and try as I build this. 

Am I daunted by the long road in front of me – from where I am now to where I want to be?  Am I pausing to catch my breath?  I’ve started moving forward and I can see this is possible.  Small step by small step is how I have reached the first rung of the ladder. I know I need to take more steps forward to arrive at my dream life. But I know it is a long road.  There are days when it gets a bit overwhelming and I can’t see the forest for the trees.  It seems so far away, with so many things to do and achieve between here and there.  But then other days I ignore the big picture and just think about what I am trying to do in the moment.  In just that moment…  A blog post, a product idea, an email to the designer, a tweet.   

Have I gotten comfortable?  I’m still in That Day Job which, trust me, is not comfortable.  I know it is not what I am meant to be doing with my life.  It’s not where I want to be.  I get angry that I have to keep going every day and trying to start my business “on the side”.   I am realizing there is a very hard position in this adventure – the point between deciding you are really going to this with a dream and achieving the dream to the level where you can quit your day job.  I do think I am comfortable with doing my blog posts and Twitter, but I feel like I am playing small, playing safe – in that way, I am staying “comfortable”, rather than going to the next level with that part of the adventure.  I’m going to work on that.

Now I’ve started, do I think this is easy?  “If it was easy, everyone would do it” is ringing in my ears.  All the Twitter and blog girls I follow talk about how hard they work to build and grow their business.  Possible and easy are two different things.  For the first time in my life, I can see this is possible.  But I am aware it isn’t easy.  Every step I take is a test of my courage.  Every step is uncomfortable and scary and a challenge.  No moment is easy.  It is all a huge step outside of my comfort zone.

Is the eBay incident creeping into the back of my mind?  A few years ago, I worked 750 hours in 1 year to build a business on eBay.  I was crushed to be right back where I started at the end of that year.  Am I freaking out it could happen again?  Am I letting that experience mess with my confidence?  I really need to let that go.  To take what I learned with me and leave the rest of that experience behind.  Just chalk it up to one of those things and not let it mess with what I am doing now.  This is different.  I’m different.

Am I waiting for a stage for finish, before I move forward?  Just because I am working through the designing process, doesn’t mean I can’t work on other areas of the business.  I need to fill in the “waiting time” with other parts I can work on.   I am impatient so why do nothing while I wait?  I am looking into manufacturing, packaging and marketing but in a general way.  I want to get some of these areas more concrete by the time the graphic design work is finished. 

Maybe it’s just the end of the year.  I need a holiday.  A rest.  And I need a little time for some fun.   This year I’ve been flat out at work, I’ve started this adventure of my creative business and both hubby and I have had some health setbacks that have made us pause.  Combine these all together and I think I have run out of energy. I need to re-energize.  To re-charge my batteries.

I think becoming aware I’ve pulled back a bit is a great thing – I think it is important that I have noticed, rather than stumbling along doing the same thing thinking I am getting somewhere, when I would actually be treading water.  I know I need to step things up a bit.  I know I need to climb the next rung of the ladder.  I know I need to find fierce determination.  A boost of courage. I need to start running towards this.   It’s part of the reason I’m going tactical over the Christmas/New Year break.  I’m trying to build my business while working in That Day Job.  So I need to work smart with my time to make this happen.  Putting a plan in place for the next step.  Finding a deliberate next step, rather than a random stumble forward on this adventure.

So enough with the stalling.  Enough with idling in neutral.  I need to move it up into the next gear.  There is something about the thought of 2012 that excites me.  It feels like it’s really going to be a big, exciting year for me.  Is it THE year?  Only if I have the courage to keep going on this adventure…

♥ Coral

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