Today is the day.
10 years ago I started my day job.
The job I don’t hate, but don’t love either. The job I’m good at. The job where I work with people I really like.
The job I said I was only going to be in for 3 months while I started my creative business. I said that to myself 10 years ago, today.
I’ve had days over the last couple of years where I was angry. Raging anger and streaming tears because I didn’t want to be in this day job. I wanted to be doing my creative thing. I wanted to be living my dream life, but instead I was watching other people live it, while I resented “having to” go to my day job every day.
About a year ago, I realized this 10 year milestone was creeping up on me very fast. And I started looking… For something better than my day job. For something with a better income and better hours. For something more fulfilling. Something that was important to me. And the universe sent me signs and steered me back to the thing I have always wanted.
I am really working towards that dream now. I’m building it block by block. I am taking small but very important steps. I am taking real steps that mean something. Unlike the last 14 years, I’m really doing something about this creative thing.
This creative thing I’ve longed for and wanted so bad it hurt.
This creative thing I’ve put to one side and sometimes given up on because I thought I couldn’t make it happen.
This creative thing I’ve pictured and imagined and fantasized about so many times.
I’m not just reading books and blogs and stuff. I’m not just brainstorming yet again, in yet another journal. I’m doing real things. And I can feel the difference. That same difference between your ex-boyfriends and “the one”. I can feel the progress and momentum. I can feel the courage and tenacity building up inside me, making me want to run towards this. To work and fight for this. To ask for help. To find the information I need. To find out what I want to know. To part with the money I make in that damn day job to turn this heart wish into a reality.
I’m wondering what stopped me before. Why I made it so hard. Why I didn’t have the confidence or courage to try. And try again if it didn’t work.
There is so much more information available now than there was when I tried before. More people willing to share their knowledge. More companies and manufacturers are catering to small boutique businesses now. Technology has changed so much, making the once impossible, possible. Making the once expensive, affordable.
I’m older and am very aware of that – which has given me a sense of urgency I didn’t have before. A now or never attitude. My 20’s insecurity has merged into mid 30’s determination. I finally think I can do this after 14 years of thinking I couldn’t.
I don’t know where this is headed. I can see so many possibilities in front of me and it is a little daunting trying to work out how to get to even one of them, let alone all of them. How to turn these ideas into a business. My business. These first few steps are truly baby steps, every one of them. But a marathon is run one step at a time. Those baby steps in starting my business are giant steps for me personally.
For the first time in my life…. The first time in my 37 years, I have finally stepped past the starting line and I am pointing in the right direction.