Flying Lessons – My 3 big fears

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I have signed up for Kelly Rae Roberts online course – Flying Lessons.

This is the second online course I have signed up for (the first being a blogging course).  It really is a courage step for me.  I’ve seen various online courses that I was interested in for years, but never thought I could join in.  Like I wasn’t ready.  I wasn’t at the level you needed to be at.   For some reason, it wasn’t for me.  It was for other people.  Spending the money was an issue too, not sure why.  It is no different to going to an art workshop which I have happily done quite a few times.  But it was one of the things that stopped me before.

I also wondered – Am I a failure because I am getting help rather than figuring it all out for myself?  (I’m stubbornly independent, can you tell?)  Do you have to already be an amazing artist to be able to do this?  Is this course going to teach me everything I am hoping it will? That I need it to?

Whatever the reasons I had before  – Now, I am doing it. I am fierce and determined to make this big, wild, crazy dream happen.  Determination wins out over the other reasons.  Those damn self sabotaging reasons.  I know at the end of this course, I am going to kick myself for not having done it sooner.  And I am going to wonder why I let those stupid reasons stop me.

We are only a couple of days into the course and already I am working through some “stuff”.  Kelly Rae manages to be very honest about herself when she was just starting out as well as gently getting us to think about ourselves at the same stage.  She gently nudges us where we need to go.

We are currently on FEARS.  In the spirit of how I want this blog to be, I am going to share the personal side of this course with you.

Okay, ready for me to bare my soul……?

I Fear… My art isn’t good enough.  This is one I am sure we all have.  I think I am especially hard on myself.  While many artists say they build on what they start, and that nothing is un-fixable, I tend to judge my work very harshly and a lot of times it goes straight in the bin.  In fact, if I’m honest I would say about 80% of what I do goes in the bin – that’s bad, isn’t it?  But the stuff I keep, I reallllly like.

I Fear… I’m just me.  When I look at my favourite artists I think of them not just by their name but with the word “The” in front of them.  It’s not Teesha Moore – It’s THE Teesha Moore.  I suppose I elevate them to “Art Celebrities”, but don’t think of myself that way.  And who am I to think I can do this?  To think I can be like them?  I don’t consider myself an artist.  I’m not one of them, I’m just me.

I Fear… I will HAVE TO create art.  If I am doing art as a business, I will HAVE TO make art.  Which for me is guaranteed to kill any inspiration I may have.  I am terrible when I “have to” create for a deadline etc.  I can go for a month or so without making anything, then I might dabble a little, walk away and come back to dabble some more.  It can take a week or two to come up with something I am happy with.  Can I really work that way if I am running a creative business?  Especially one just starting out?

Kelly encourages us to see how we could face those fears so they aren’t so scary or continue to have power over us.  Looking back at the same fears, here are my answers.

My art isn’t good enough. Yes actually, it is good enough.  I have been published in various Australian and USA magazines.  Almost everything I have submitted has been published.  That’s a pretty good strike rate.  I love some of what I create.  I just need to alter my thinking a little – I need to relax and enjoy creating my art more instead of constantly judging it.  It is meant to be fun!

I’m just me.  My artwork never looks like everyone elses when I do a class.  Years ago, that used to bother me, but now I know what an advantage that is.  Being “Me”, being different to everyone else, has the potential to be my best asset.

I will HAVE TO create art.  Wording is everything, isn’t it?  I won’t HAVE TO.  I will GET TO.  I know I need to let go a little and just play.  If I keep in mind to play with my art, to experiment, to not try to force anything – the rest will come.  If I sit in judgment from the first stroke of paint, it’s not going to be fun.  Or something I will be happy with.

While I had a few other fears that I discovered while working through the course, these were the 3 main ones. I also think they are the ones other people probably have too.  I hope you have seen how you can easily turn your fears on their head so you see they aren’t worthy of the power we let them have over us (often for years).  Instead, by turning them on their head, they can actually empower us. 

What are your fears?  And how can you turn them into empowering, inspiring thoughts?

I hope you’ll check back in over the next couple of weeks as I share more of what I am learning in Flying Lessons with Kelly Rae Roberts.

♥ Coral.

 

 

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